Sometimes mum life sucks, and before you get all judgy on me, don’t mistake what I’m saying as ungratefulness. This is coming from a mum who had to have hysterectomy at the age of 27, a mother who would jump at the chance to have one more baby. I am so thankful to be a mother to two incredible children. Sometimes it is great, being a mum is amazing, in-fact, it’s amazing even when it’s not which leads me to my next statement…. sometimes it’s just straight up shit!
The mental load is enough to swallow us whole and I am sure most of us have had days where we drop our values and “rules”. You know, those days where we are so exhausted or frustrated that we just surrender, and then mum guilt kicks in and we beat ourselves up over it. That is basically where I found myself early this morning, minus the mum guilt. Completely overwhelmed and simply surrendering.
You want a donut for breakfast? Fine! You don’t want to wear underwear, whatever! You want to wear a witch costume instead of your kinder uniform, you know what? Go for it!
You have won child. I surrender.
This morning was so hard that if Tiana wasn’t speech delayed and could properly communicate, I would have more than likely gotten on my knees and begged her to give me a second to myself. “Please your highness, will you allow me to have 2 minutes to myself?”
I guess you could say that my batteries were low and I needed to recharge, but I had a hurricane of a child looking me dead in the face with her cute but cheeky grin trying to test every button whilst she purposely unplugged my charger. Not even joking, she kept unplugging my phone charger this morning and laughing at me when I asked her not to so I thought this was a fit analogy.
My ears have been acting up lately, noise literally hurts and I just couldn’t handle the noise of her high pitched, Mariah Carey like scream any longer. I could feel anxiety rising as my chest started to tighten #Anxietyisabitch but I no longer feel guilty or judge myself for what I call “surrendering” moments like this.
When we are in a moment of complete despair it’s easy to forget that our children are human. They too have shitty moments just like us so I try to remind myself that just like us, they are doing the best that they can. The difference between them and us, is that they are still learning how to navigate, communicate and understand such big emotions. These tiny little humans are still learning how to respond to frustration. So I gave Tiana space to have her moment, whilst I hid on the kitchen floor to have my own. I allowed myself to feel what needed to be felt. Tears flowed and “rules” were broken, and you know what? That’s okay, it happens to the best of us! Sometimes we NEED to do whatever it takes in order to cope. Why the hell do we put so much pressure on ourselves? Let’s be real, no-one has their shit together 24/7!
And whilst we are being honest, let’s get one thing straight before the trolls come for me, I’m not saying that I am unhappy, nor am I even close to stating that I don’t love my kids. I love my kids with all that I have, but we are lying to ourselves if we can’t admit that sometimes we feel consumed by mum life and at times, it can really suck.
Sometimes I have moments where I lose myself, as though I am nothing more than a wife and a mother, but then I’ll have a well needed cry, I put my big girl panties on and remind myself that I am a women and there is so much more to me than messy hair, dirty shirts and hulk like tantrums. Motherhood is only one part of my life, it is a part of who I am, but it is not all that I am.
Yes, this parenting gig sure is hard but no one said it would be easy. No one said you had to sacrifice yourself when you become a parent, nor that your had to keep it together 24/7. When you’re feeling consumed, overwhelmed or like you have lost your identity, it’s perfectly okay to look after you and take some time for yourself. YOU ARE HUMAN.
I don’t know what the purpose of this article is, I wrote it as an outlet when I was having a crappy morning so I guess it just an honest rant and a reminder that it’s okay to be human. Give yourself permission to cry, to break the rules, to let go, to look after yourself, to give yourself a damn break and to put yourself first! Know that there is no such thing as a perfect parent, just real ones.
Self-care is not selfish, it’s necessary! Your mental health should always come first. So put you first Mumma and don’t feel guilty for it, because at the end of the day, prioritising your own well-being is in-fact prioritising your children. Parenting is the easiest thing to judge and have an opinion on, but its the hardest thing to do, so be kind to yourself Mumma. Your child doesn’t need a perfect parent, they need a happy and healthy one, even if that means your child has a donut for breakfast and goes to kinder in a witch costume without underwear on
– Ann Toscano