Who is actually defining you by your tag and weight? Because the raw and blunt answer is more than likely… you.
This is not only about fighting old stigmas, limited beliefs, and societies advertised unrealistic standards. This is also about taking ownership of our lives and holding ourselves accountable. It’s about acknowledging, accepting, being open to change and to healing.
Here’s the thing: What you give power to has power over you. Only you get to decide what you feel defined by. You are only defined by the thoughts and walls that you build yourself.
I see so many post about tags not defending us, but I am not going to sit here and tell you that your tags, weight and scars don’t define you. What I will tell you though, is that whatever you allow and think defines you, will define you.
We have two options when it comes to self definition. Define yourself or be defined.
The choice is ours.
Years ago I would have been super offended by the above statement and to anyone who takes offence to this, please know that this isn’t an attack. We are all on different paths in our journey and that’s oaky. I support you, I respect you and I stand with you. I encourage you no matter where you are on your journey, but I need you to know that you already have the power within you to make changes to love yourself, your whole self. In order to move forward, we must let go of others opinions, judgement and fears. It’s time to start living for YOU and I’m with you through it.
For me personally, my marks are a reminder of the strength of giving birth whilst my scars are a reminder of the times when situations in my life tried to break me, but failed. I most certainly am Bent But Not Breaking.
I like to think of my bodily scars/marks as visual representation of growth. They are the highest reminder and sign of strength for me. Each mark on my body holds a story of both pain, empowerment and resilience.
They weren’t always perceived this way though.
I would look at my scars and feel sadness for all that I have endured, I felt ashamed of my scars, stretch marks and dimples in my skin and I hid my body. I was once so embarrassed by my own body that I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. l held so much self hate that seeing my own reflection made me feel uncomfortable, I would avoid looking at the mirror before I stepped into the shower and I remember one day crying because I could see my reflection on the shower screen. Along side my scars, medications for my physical health conditions and giving birth contributed to fluctuating weight gain and lose.
Society tells me that I need to be thin in order to be worthy and to receive love which lead to an eating disorder. When I lost weight everyone would say “wow Ann, you look amazing” which only validated my worth coming from my waist rather than from my heart. “I looked amazing” but I felt as worthless as ever and I was unhealthy as ever.
I still have moments when I look back. Insecurities creep in for a moment. My husband will be the first one to tell you that I am still learning. I am still fighting insecurities with my body and I am holding myself accountable for this and fight through my vulnerabilities and insecurities, I have committed strongly to being comfortable with being uncomfortable. I am forever learning, growing and healing. And whilst I am learning to embrace my body, I have also learned to accepted my past.
There is a beautiful domino affect that occurs when you truly acknowledge your vulnerabilities. It’s raw and it’s confronting, but as you acknowledge one insecurity/vulnerability you’re stepping forward in your life and opening yourself up to change other areas where you feel insecure, and the cycle continues. Self growth sure has been a journey! I am stepping out of one comfort zone, insecurity and vulnerability and then stepping into a new one that I face and break through, but it’s a journey worth being on. I am not ashamed of who I am. I have learned to focus on my health and not my weight. I now know that my past is not a prison and that I get to choose if my past and society controls me. I have committed to choosing me. I am committed to controlling myself. This post is not only for you but it is also for me to publicly challenge myself and to publicly hold myself accountable as I move forward in my journey.
My past are my biggest lessons, my pain and scars are why I am the way that I am today. I have no shame in that anymore. I am proud to be me. My scars are proof of the strength that I hold within. My past pain is why I aspire to support others and why I proudly have the heart that I do. I was going through some pretty heavy shit on my own growing up, and I never want anyone else to feel the dismissal and loneliness that I did during those hard times.
There is no shame in having stretch marks, scares, dimples, and creases ect;
These are not imperfections, these are what make you fucking human!
So I’m here to tell you that your pain is valid. I’m here and I see you. Your suffering is worth consolation. Your brokenness does not translate to worthlessness. You are human. You are alive. You are resilient and brave, even if you don’t believe this yourself. The fact that you’re here right now counts for something! You went through something terrible and you came out the other side, alive. Maybe shaken, maybe scarred or even sad, but you are here! You shouldn’t feel as though your pain is worth nothing simply because you know other stories seem worse by comparison. This is not a game, there is no trauma and pain Olympics where only the worst suffering is consoled and helped to heal.
Unlearn self judgment, attract what you expect, reflect what you desire, become what you respect and mirror what you admire. Put those scales down. Let go of societies standards. Surround yourself with people who inspire and uplift you because the people you surround yourself with matters too. You won’t find self love and happiness in other peoples opinions or approval of you, and you definitely won’t find happiness on a number on a scale or tag. Self love, growth and healing starts with you.
We must stop holding onto unrealistic expectations of what “beauty” means. Society has conditioned and raised us long enough with impossible standards to reach. More than half of what we see on the media and social media is not real. It’s easy to get wrapped up in these images and advertisements that are affecting our perception of beauty. It’s time we stand up to not only focus on women empowering and supporting women, but also focus on supporting and empowering ourselves too. YOU get to decided that beauty means and you my friend, are beautiful!
Your scars and stretch marks tell a story and there is beauty in that!
So this your reminder:
Surround yourself with people who respect ALL of you. You should never spend your time and energy trying to convince someone of your worth. Remain kind, compassionate, encouraging, supportive, admirable, loving and respectful. If your circle doesn’t make you feel good, if they don’t respect and uplift you, if they don’t respect your journey and encourage you, you’re not in the right circle. Be authentic and raw, allow the world to see the real you, because the real you is what makes you beautiful. Focus on your health both physically and mentally and know that no matter where you are on your journey. You deserve to feel supported, you are important, you are worthy, you are loved, you are deserving, you are a beautiful Mumma.
And just as you are,
YOU ARE ENOUGH
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