My ultimate goal is to be at peace with myself, to eliminate toxic feelings and elements from my life. To unlearn negative and harmful practices and thought patterns, stop checking for people that do not check for me. To create a space for myself that is nurturing for growth so that I may generate loving energy for myself and for others, nourish my spirit and balance my energies. I have big dreams and I deserve to live a life that I love and to let that love radiate – WE ALL DO!
I want to live like there is truly no tomorrow, I want to spend time with my family and appreciate that every moment we share together is a moment that we are creating lifelong memories. With no more holding back, I would rather look back and say “I can’t believe I did that” instead of saying “I really wish I did/tried that”.
Learning to say NO and prioritising putting myself first. Learning to no longer work around everyone else surrounding me and actually doing what makes me truly happy. I want to experience my life, the mistakes and all that come with it. I will use all my past, present and future mistakes and trials that I experience as a learning tool to strengthen me rather than allowing it to be an experience that controls or breaks me.
No judgment, no hate, no drama and ZERO tolerance, energy or time given to the toxic people in my life/negative surrounding situations. I will only make room for positive and meaningful friendships and I will only give my time, effort, feelings and energy to those who value me.
2019 has taught me more than I could ever imagine, I have learnt the importance of where I apply my efforts and the importance of surrounding myself with good people. I have stopped trying to maintain relationships when I know I need to let go. I have realised that the love and effort that I put in will never be reciprocated by some people in my life and I am learning the importance of trying to accept this and knowing that we can’t control certain situations/other peoples behaviour, but we can control how we react and respond to them.
Last year I had cervical cancer, I had a hysterectomy and what feels like my womanhood ripped away from me, our house flooded and many other events took place. This year parts of our home were finally renovated and fixed. My daughter turned three and my son turned eleven! My sister got engaged! Many milestone birthdays: my father in-law turned 70, my nephew turned 18, my niece turned 16 and I finally hit my 30’s. This year I also joined an anti-bullying movement named #ERASEtheH8 and another movement #igniteTFW which I am so proud to be part of and am very excited to share more about them with you soon!
This year my health declined (what’s new right?) I spent many nights in hospital. Twelve procedures in 2019 to be exact!
wow what a journey!
Its hard to choose my proudest moments of 2019 but I have narrowed it down to my top three highlights.
My proudest moments of the year has been watching my husband step up and be the most incredible husband and father that I could ask for, especially whilst I was away in the hospital. If you are reading this Mark, I am so proud to be your wife and I love you with all that I have. You have always been an amazing man but this year I can’t tell you how many times I have wanted to shake you yet also thank you for all that you do. I might not say it enough, but you are appreciated and your hard work and love never has and never will go unnoticed.
A highlight has also been watching my daughter communicate and finally hearing her use her words after having minor hearing loss issues last year. She is a little less “hulk like” now with her tantrums and is babbling more and more as the days pass by.
Another proud moment/highlight of 2019 is when my son went through a rough time experiencing bullying. We removed him from a toxic school environment and he started at a new school. He went viral for an amazing and brave letter that he wrote about bullying. My husband and I are so proud of him for how well he handled himself. The self growth and changes in him during this period has been absolutely remarkable.
You can read the full letter that he wrote to his old school here
During the twelve procedures that I had this year I genuinely learned the value of friendship, love and learned what true support means. I noticed who checked on me and who didn’t. I realised who made an effort to contact me and who came to visit me in hospital. I realised who offered their support and a helping hand when in the darkest of my days. I noticed a lot of things this year that I would normally ignore and pretend I didn’t notice in the previous years.
I guess 2019 for me has personally been a year of major reflection and realisation.
A lot of crazy things happened in 2019 but I have also learned about love, patience, loyalty and compassion.
In as little as one year, so many life events took place. Last year I created Bent But Not Breaking and this year we are sitting with 30k amazing followers who I absolutely adore! I also discovered TikTok, which I openly admit to being addicted to.
I let go of relationships that were draining me and applied my efforts to the relationships that add value to my life and my emotional wellbeing. I learned that if you can’t completely remove a toxic person from your life, you have a choice to limit your exposure to them.
As I look back at the year I had, I realise just how lucky I am to stand where I am today with my husband, my two children and the family and friends that I am surrounded by.
I have learned the importance of being my true self, and not only the importance of being proud of who I am but also the importance of standing up for who I am.
So today, I say goodbye to 2019 and hello to 2020… I’ll be too busy watering my own grass to notice if someone else’s side is greener.
I look forward to seeing what is it store for me as I approach the new year with no rose coloured glasses on.